Finding your tribe has become the wellness way of saying finding people who help you be you and feel at home. We can look at this as our friends but sometimes this group is not your friends because you never really knew who you were in the first place. Prior to finding your tribe you have to examine yourself, your friends, your wants and your enjoyment and see what resonates as genuine and fulfilling. In this examination you’ll realize some people are not part of your tribe and some of the things you think you enjoyed really just gave you the peace of mind of fitting in. I have quite a large group of people I know but I cannot say I would call them my tribe. (That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate them, instead it means they don’t support my authenticity and that is okay!) .My tribe is probably less than 5 people and ever changing the way I am, I’ve had different tribes at different points in my life and that is completely acceptable because we do change. My tribe accepts my change and believes in it, don’t get caught up in having one static tribe because the most important thing for you to respect is your learning spiritually, mentally and physically.
I also have a social media tribe, a group of people I connect to online that show love and receive mine. Understand the importance of creating a tribe as much online as you do in real life. You spend a lot of time online, comments can bring us down, content can bring us down, but that tribe though… you can guarantee that they will help to keep things real as you navigate the unreal world of Social Media.
Find your tribe online. Your spirit will appreciate it!
Over two long relationships, dating here and there, run in’s with the devil and the perfect match. I can share a little bit about the realities of dating. Here’s six points to never forget that this process is completely about you partly illustrated by the animal kingdom.
There is no need to find someone by being what you think they are seeking. The person who wants to be with you accepts you as you are, they see the light in you before it’s turned on and they accept the version of you as they accept themselves as forever changing and forever growing. Dating can be one dimensional (just about sex or cuddles) but that has to be accepted by you and those involved. But when dating is about courtship and meeting someone you want to be in a relationship with then games and pretending won’t cut it. Be yourself every step of the way.
Recognize your worth and that you are worthy. You deserve the perfect match because that perfection is what you choose to manifest. You don’ t have to settle for less to be in a relationship, but if you want to speed up the process, start perfecting yourself in the sense that you work diligently to become your best self. Who you meet will be the best version of you, if you too, are working on being the best version of yourself.
Compromises no longer holds weight in the courtship process the way Steve Harvey would tell you. Courtship is not a compromise it’s an acceptance. Compromising yourself for the sake of “romance” means you also find yourself unacceptable or unsuitable for romance so why then are you trying to partner up. The reality is our true selves always makes its way out no matter how hard we try to push it down or cover it up. In the smallest and slightest of habits and actions, who you are will always be known. Compromising that self only delays who will eventually become known. Let them see who you are from beginning to end. Compromise may have a place somewhere in the world but when it comes to showing others who you are it doesn’t.
Seek a partner for the connection not for the marriage. Simply put, marriage will last as long a connection does; pushing beyond the existence of a connection stops both of you from being who you were meant to be and stops the marriage from being true – yes it is now a lie. Marriage is a beautiful thing it’s also an outcome to many when it too, is a part of the process of creating union to infinity and beyond! Your connection in the courting process trumps everything including marriage because then you can fully be present and immerse yourself in the love that comes naturally as you connect to yourself and others. Marriage will come when it is meant to, do not force what is not meant to fit, your time will come if it was meant to come. Detach yourself from the belief that you are legitimate once married, hold your legitimacy in your heart and connect to those who truly feel you, marriage could be the result or maybe it’s just time to connect.
They will see how important you are based on the priority you give to yourself. We all have obligations and needs but no need is stronger than the need to be your own number one priority, kids or no kids. The parent is not selfish for taking a break from their baby, they know the love won’t stop by stepping away. You date to meet your match in intelligence, in spirit, in love and in importance. The respect of you comes with the recognition that you have a purpose to be fulfilled and that, that purpose is so powerful I just can’t wait to see you fill it. You will look at them the same way. Dating sees you completely in tune with the power that is within you. Don’t try to capture that power by asking for all the attention; give space or support to help their power expand and vice versa. We are equally important, but let the importance you place on yourself enable your light to shine so bright that the stars recognize you.
You do not date to be needed or to make someone feel needed, that is not good energy. The one you connect with doesn’t need you and you don’t need them either. Need is not love, my love. Need is forcing energy in one direction when it is always free flowing. You date to meet your complement so your exchange of energy flows so freely you can’t believe you were hung up on this and that. You realize quickly that should doesn’t exist because it just is. I see you as complete in your being and you see me the same, we accept that we can support, assist and help each other but we also accept that we got this on our own if you are not with me. Say the word need and say the word complement, even the form of your face recognizes the distinction between the energy. Remember need isn’t suggesting you can prance around yelling I don’t need a this or that, it’s simply about standing in your certainty that you are capable and able, free flowing energetically and fully prepared to be with your complement.
I hope this challenged your thinking about dating. I was always thinking about it but when I started to feel, the above became foundations for finally being able to meet truly amazing people.
There are three levels of thinking when it comes to the concept of perfection. But before that I need to get through the fact that society has a very different understanding of what it means than the spirit does. The move towards perfection is not stating we are an ideal or the “standard” of what society tells us we are to be. Instead it’s about knowing oneself and being the love that you are. At this stage we recognize there are no flaws and we have always been perfect but never saw that we were created as perfect by the hands of the creator.
For most of us life began at the perfect stage until guilt, shame, fear, misdirected anger and some other things became tools to determine who is worth more or less than others. We eventually internalized this and started believing that we really were imperfect from the beginning until the very end. There are three areas society has moved through when thinking about perfection: Perfect, Being imperfect is perfect, and no one is perfect, each coming from a good place but ultimately perfection is what we should internalize.
Society told us the story of what constitutes to normal, the story of standards and right fit. No one is perfect came from a place where we understood that most of us could not conform or meet the high standards of society and therefore there is no such thing as perfect. While this statement was meant to empower us to not hold others to impossible standards and to accept them as they are, in many ways we blanketed the reality that we are in fact perfect. We covered up much of the behaviours and habits that were no longer serving us because we believed that perfect was impossible, soon becoming more of an excuse.
Eventually we began to see how the “no one is perfect” mentality stopped serving our highest good and we moved forward to where I think most of us stand today: being imperfect is perfect. No one is perfect doesn’t quite fit anymore because why can’t we be perfect as we are? Our differences in behaviours are not flaws, rather our perfections. Screw the standard, I am the standard! We’re mostly here now because we’ve learned that perfect is achievable and that our “flaws” and differences in behaviour are part of the “imperfect package”. Although this mentality welcomes and accepts differences, it becomes a sort of blanket statement for seeing yourself as perfect without understanding the depth of it which ultimately minimizes our ability to integrate our higher selves into ourselves. The key here is remembering that your thoughts become you.
Perfect as a mindset and in embodiment is where we are moving to, despite the scariness and impossibility we’ve ascribed to it. The soul is perfect, our higher selves are perfect so once we decide to integrate our higher self with our ‘selves’ then we become perfect. Even with the difficulties along our journey and the behaviours that fall out of line with our higher selves these things exist as teachers and guidance for us to learn from. As aspects of the creator and as beings of love and light, we are the manifestation of perfection and to suggest that there is an imperfect component suggests that the creator is also imperfect. We cannot achieve perfection without knowing that we are.
The thinking that ‘no one is perfect’ started in the right place but to maintain it as a mentality will forever reduce our ability to be who we truly are and to embody the perfection that exist in us as soulful beings.
“Sharing circles are an essential part of the oral tradition of Aboriginal communities.
The Traditional Native Feather Wand or Talking Stick is used in these circles
when meetings take place and when decisions have to be made. We learn information
about our culture through our Elders, families, friends, and other community members
who share stories about what their lives were like, why we do things certain ways and to
seek the wisdom of their experiences.”
With one Elder among us, sharing the importance of family as the tool that has helped her to connect and heal, Merlyn James, my mom, started off the circle on the best note. She was unsure what to expect when she made her way into the backyard, knowing only that her daughter was stepping into her purpose and that she needed to be there to support. Thank you mom for being who you are and reminding all the women in attendance that they are part of a family that began that day, also known as the sharing circle community.
Being a mom of three young children she was in need of adult time and felt it was time to get out more and make connections with great people. Lauren traveled from Etobicoke to get to the sharing circle with her youngest son. Ready to remind us of the ways Father Yah has transformed her life, her marriage and her family. She spoke about the word of Yah, the truth and shared the importance of his word and keeping his covenant. No judgement existed towards others and no judgement sent to her, as we often see when discussing different lifestyles, the sharing circle was a place to share equally in love and pull what was necessary to help us become our best.
Most of us came in unsure of what to expect we all just knew there would be good vibes and information that would move us. The Sun was hot that day but in the circle there was the most pleasant breeze, as though this event had been perfectly situated. We heard your message loud and clear Creator, the circle was perfect. With this being the first sharing circle I’ve ever done I realized there is some to improve but it was so perfect in the way it happened that I almost want to do it exactly the same. And while I will spend some more time to focus on the tradition as an opportunity to share the indigenous knowledge that powers it, I also hope it will be enabled to transform to suit the energy within.
If you didn’t make it to this circle don’t worry there will be more. Remember nothing is missed and everything is perfectly timed. The circle was complete on June 11th even as visitors came and went and it will continue to be an example of completeness personified. Thank you to the women that came out and those that hoped to, we are connected regardless of where we go and where we came from. I will tell you when the next one happens so just come, be open and hopefully you will bring a friend.