CONNECT.CREATE.EXPLORE

Life practice and stuff.

I’m watching my friends age. — March 12, 2019

I’m watching my friends age.

And they appear to be doing all the right things, yet they barely have life or freedom. They are bound by previous desires, ones we fulfilled without our actual consent, but by doing they believe consent was given. We filled the shoes they left us, discovered most of them were too small. We cramped our feet inside these small spaces and hunched over because the rooms we entered couldn’t hold us. We squeezed ourselves in between the old and the old, they thought we’d bring hope but we just did what we were told. Decades we evolved into your worries, we embodied them as anxiety, imagining one single future, our homes were just for society. We only had great possessions because we consumed everything that was hot, we stayed attached to these little rooms stood by as each of us got GOT.

I’m watching my friends age as they plan their next vacation, they think it will lead them to inner peace. They stress about their now, worried about their tomorrow. They don’t have any real aspirations except to work and buy a house, take their 2 weeks of vacation to go somewhere cool and take pics for the gram. They like it until they come back, they reflect on memories of what they wish could be. They go gray because they are stressed and never because they are wise. My parents told me before be free and travel, you’re young and you have time. Imagine I actually did that where would I actually be. Would I still feel the realness of freedom, or would I have a harder time with nationwide slavery.

I’m watching my friends age because they can’t say this out loud even if its how we really feel, people would be pissed that we’re not proud to live in this secure place. How dare we not be thankful for the opportunities before us, How dare we not work harder if we’re so unhappy. How taxing it is, to be taxed on how we really feel. But now I look crazy because I speak up about what we both can see.

Yo I’m tired all the time because I know I’m aging. My friends are hella old too, because they’re aging. Now all we want to do is take one amazing vacation, because we’re all so tired of living in the trap. A debt filled nation.

When you read this you can assume I’m ungrateful but I’m not. Has it ever crossed your mind that this isn’t just my thoughts? I speak to a lot of people and no one can put their finger on it, with all the dreams of our parents fulfilled we still haven’t found peace. Imagine wondering everyday where I went wrong and feeling guilt because you don’t want to blame your parents or your guardians for following their direction. I have to fight myself to be sane because I think our system is completely insane. I have one friend who really broke free and to me thats an entire shame, because the rest of us think we really got it and they never left their cage.

I’m still watching my friends age, and I’m doing the same.

Focus Pocus Podcast Episode 3: I’m Thinking Again — February 27, 2019
Focus Pocus Podcast Episode 2: Love is. Love is not. — February 13, 2019
Embracing your Start Somewhere. — September 5, 2017

Embracing your Start Somewhere.

Oprah did it, Kendrick did it, Jay -z did it, even George Bush did it. Whether privileged or not the basics are the same, you have to start somewhere. There could be no existence of them without the choice to take the first step, no matter how big or small it appeared.
How I wish the magic wand would wave and all of my dreams would come true and how I can be where Oprah is after writing out my goals, but that in itself is not practical. Its so common to look at everyone else`s progression assuming they didn’t go through the same steps as us but even they will tell you, it took me years to get here and many steps along the way.

Taken on my recent flight back from Trinidad, this was within the first few minutes of take off.

Those years began with the start somewhere, one single first step and that’s where we often find ourselves with the most fear and worry. We quickly become discouraged by the somewhere equating it to struggle rather than a step and then we forget that Oprah was here too. To progress towards the dream, remind yourself that the start doesn’t have to be a struggle it`s simply a step which enables your start somewhere begin.

Here`s an example:

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You forgot the laptop charger in your bedroom upstairs, but if you don`t get it your computer will die and then there`s a chance you may lose part or all of the project you were working on unless you’re using google lol. You spend time thinking about the fact that you need to go upstairs, meaning you`ll have to expend energy to step up each step, rather than actually doing it, so in your mind you’ve built a story of struggle and wasted time lamenting on it. Your laptop tells you its at 7% so now it`s even more necessary to get the charger, but you`re still going through the story of struggling to go up the stairs while your mind begins rewiring itself to equate steps with struggle instead of a means to an end as you continue telling this story. You make the decision to finally go upstairs and get your charger. But now you`re even more frantic because the computer was on 4%  which means you`ll be using way more energy to run up the stairs, dash over to the outlet to unplug the chord only to get back downstairs to see your computer went to sleep, or shut down completely.

The frustration builds up because you knew in advance you just needed to go upstairs but you delayed the inevitable, wasted time thinking about it and now you have some extra work to do filling in what was lost.

Or Maybe your laptop stayed on and you got there just in time to save your work, let that be a lesson too, you were able to create a struggle when there wasn’t one in taking those steps to reach your goal or to reach what was important to pursuing your goals. The start somewhere is where its imperative to change your mind from struggle to steps.

 

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There was some turbulance, lots of clouds in the sky and underneath us, but the light was still shining on our pathway.

You can embrace your start somewhere, or you may have already started and feel the strain of feeling like you never move forward but if you believe in your dream enough to take any action then the great news is that you’ve not only started somewhere but you are living the start somewhere. This step doesn’t need to be one day or a week, it takes the time it needs, and since time isn’t linear take all the time you need. When years pass after working hard towards your dream and stepping up many stairs someone will also look at you and ask… How did you get there and you will be able to say, well I had to start somewhere.

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At some point you`ll get to cruising altitude where the steps become habits, and the start becomes the distant past of a beautiful journey.

This piece was inspired by a discussion with my cousin Ishmael who showed me that the start doesn`t have to be a struggle as much as it is steps.

The Lesson in Being Distracted — August 2, 2017

The Lesson in Being Distracted

When I first wrote this piece in March (only to revisit it four months later) it came as I was putting together furniture and allowing my mind to wander. Sitting in deep thought, I was reminded that time need not be wasted on things that do not matter. When we give time to something it’s because it usually holds importance or we want to see it grow, whether little or big giving time to all distractions simply take us away from our purpose and life path. When the aha moment hit I remember writing so earnestly knowing I needed to get this blog out, what happened after was likely a tango with distraction. We have all sorts of names for the things that “tempt” us, we call it the devil, the ego, negative thinking,  sins and what not but my bottom line is that it’s simply a distraction, but I definitely respect what you call it..

I had an ant problem when I moved in. There were a few ants here and there but I made it into an issue, I talked about it every chance I got and then I made a Pinterest Board on screenshot_20170802-150234.pnghow to get rid of it, I cleaned everyday literally sweeping and wiping the floors 3 or 4 times, all the while I’m saying to myself, this is not the problem. I even said this out loud every time I would look down at the ants knowing I’m making this “issue” bigger than what it is. The truth is, as soon as I set down these borax and sugar saturated cotton balls, the ant problem practically disappeared. It took 5 minutes to set up and nothing to clean and I continued putting furniture together, writing regularly and working on what would become my website.

Occasionally I would see an ant that I’d let get away, but for some reason the little voice ego said “don’t! It will build a colony” but my knowing was clear in stating “one ant? No problem!” The more I stayed on track the less distraction there seemed to be but for multiple reasons.

First of all spending time with something that does not serve my highest good creates more space for additional things that do not serve my highest good. Ants are not the problem, but my obsession with having a problem creates… Say it with me! MORE PROBLEMS!

Secondly, I hadn’t looked at the fact that my living room, my bedroom and washroom were ant free, I only saw a kitchen full of ants (which it was not) because I accepted the ant reality as the only reality, I saw so much wrong, I could never see what was right and that was the only thing I was looking for.  When you look for something, you will ALWAYS find it. To be clear, there isn’t a sometimes, you will ALWAYS find whatever you are looking for! I’m going to continue to see ants as long as that’s all I’m looking for.

The biggest lesson in this experience of distraction was coming to a further 

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I finally get it! 

understanding of the ways our ego works. The Ego is the illusionary self that seeks to encourage us to turn only to ourselves, away from the creator and others. The ego is powerful in distracting us from the things to keep us in our light, meaning to remove us from our purpose and life path. Whenever I’m working towards my dream I know how powerful it is and that it will lead to the fortunes I want and I am worthy of, in the grandest and holistic, all encompassing sense. But the Ego tells me that  I don’t truly want to be in my light, I don’t truly deserve those riches, and I should be afraid to go for it because. So instead of focusing on the goal, there I was focused on the Ants. The Ego is a part of us so it knows what could work to distract us and that is why it’s so important to be in alignment with our light and life path so we have the strength to overcome the measly distractions.

So after much time being in alignment, I noticed recently, I couldn’t seem to get it together, my wrist started to hurt, everyone I knew wanted to go out for lunch , dinner or coffee, the long weekend was coming up and I felt overwhelmed with very dense energy and could not get it together. I also started to see ants again and I was definitely not working on any new creative pieces. The ego knows what works best to remove me from my light, it took one coffee for me to open the door to say I’m always available and slow my process of becoming what I dreamed of. So here now revisiting this piece it forced me to stop and assess my life for the distractions I’m giving time to and enabling. My current distraction is people and the choice I made was to allow them to come in and out as they please which is where I gave time and space to be distracted.

In some ways this piece was a letter to my future and maybe yours too, I hope you get the chance to be in your awareness enough to see the distractions as they come up and make the choice to stay aligned. Lots of Love and lots of Light I send to you all in staying on your path and fulfilling your purpose. 

 

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